Hannah, um... [ Melissa turns and leans back against the same tree, adjusting with a wince so there's no pressure against her right shoulder. ] I get why you did what you did. [ To Kodiak. To the escape plan. ] I don't think anyone judges you for it.
[ If Hannah had told Shauna the truth about who'd given her the knife, it's very likely that neither Hannah or Natalie would still be alive right now. And for all Melissa knows, the rest of them would be tied up in the animal pen instead. ]
But there's no way anyone is going to hike out of here without a guide. [ Melissa tugs at the hem of her shirt, rubbing the fabric between her thumb and index finger as she speaks, an anxious habit. ] The first summer we were out here? A smaller group of us tried to go for rescue and Van almost died. Then our right fullback tried to go on her own and she did die.
[ After that, there was no more talk of separating. Things had become all-or-nothing, and the idea of the team, of the whole, had cemented into something much stronger than soccer or high school.
Hannah has seen it herself: the way Shauna, Tai, and Lottie had been totally outnumbered and the way the others had fallen back in line anyway, even while they hated doing it. The escape plan, with the guide, had been the only exception because it had been a sure thing. Now that's over. ]
Even if they, like, changed their minds and wanted to go, at this point it's safer for us here. [ "For now" sits on her tongue, unspoken. ]
[ It's safer for now, thinks Hannah, unaware that Melissa is thinking the same. Kodi may be dead (I may have killed Kodi), but there has to be some other way to get these kids home. She'll never forget the looks on their faces when they found out search efforts had been stopped only a few months after the crash. The world may have forgotten about them, but their families haven't. Hannah isn't some expert wilderness navigator the way Kodi was, but she is going to get them home somehow, even if it means she has to die. At least she knows Alex is safe back home, with grandpa and grandma. Hannah will fight tooth and nail to get back to her, but if the choice becomes her or the teenagers-- well, she has to choose them. They've suffered enough out here. ]
Right. No, I wouldn't leave either, not without a guide. [ If only she remembered the hike out here. If only she'd listened to Edwin. If only he were here to talk her through the waves of panic and despair.
If only, if only. ] Besides, we're not the only people who could be out here. I mean, if Edwin and I made this trek, other people might.
[ There's always hope. There has to be hope. ]
In the meantime, I'm with you guys. I'll keep doing my part to keep us fed and safe.
[ Even though it could mean the worst. Hannah winces at a sudden thought-- ]
Even if it means we find some of those cute little frogs and have to roast them for dinner.
[ Melissa laughs a little at that. She would definitely eat roasted frog, frog soup, even frog eggs. (Caviar?) ]
I mean, our food situation is way better than it was this time last year, so hopefully it won't come down to eating frogs. [ She doesn't seem to register that this might be a fucked up thing to say considering the circumstances Hannah's group walked in on. She's mostly just thinking about the animals, the goats and ducks. Plus, Gen keeps saying how great the hunting's been all summer.
After a pause, a little shyly, she adds, ] It's good that you're here. [ wait ] I mean—not like good, it's just cool having a new person to talk to.
[ Hannah chooses not to think about the implications about last winter, focusing instead on the fact that they've clearly been working to prevent that from happening again.
More important right now, though, is the fact that she has earned Melissa's trust. Maybe not fully, but enough that Melissa feels like she can share tidbits about the year before, the team's dynamics, and even something as simple as being told she's nice to have around. Hannah wonders about Melissa herself: what's her family like, do they know she's gay, do they support her? She's a good kid. She deserves a good home life. They all do.
She smiles back, comfortable and encouraging. ]
I bet I'd be better if I could find more food. [ There are some mushrooms just to her right. She bends to grab them. ] That means a lot. It sounds pretty dumb, but it's nice to know at least one person likes you enough to just talk.
[ A little shrug of her good shoulder. Hannah will figure it out. She came out here to study frogs, not pick berries or make tea out of pine needles. But they all sucked at that shit last fall, too, and paid the price for it. They'll do better this time around, and Hannah will catch up. ]
It's not just me. I think everyone's just, you know, trying to figure you out. Most of the people here are nice, though. [ Melissa's mouth twists into a frown that's more sad than angry. ] Even Shauna used to be nice. She still is sometimes.
[ Melissa knows that if she hadn't dragged their argument out into the open, it wouldn't have ended like that. She'd still be trailing around like Shauna's (fucking stupid) shadow. And if Shauna showed up today and said she was sorry and she didn't mean it and told Melissa to stop being such a bitch, well...
[ And Hannah means that. Trauma can do so much to a kid, even if everything else in their life is good. She would know. There's nothing quite like staring life and death in the face, feeling it in the flesh, to change a person.
She takes a few steps past Melissa, eyes on the ground, still hoping for more than mushrooms. ]
I did sports in high school too. Started our ultimate frisbee team. We were really good.
[ Melissa grins as she follows along, suddenly cheered by the change in topic. Sports are always an easy sell for her. ]
Did you guys have a cool name? You must have really good aim. I've never played ultimate but it looks so fun. And no refs? That's so different from soccer. If you started the team, you must have really liked playing, right? I feel like half the girls here don't even like soccer that much. [ It's a constant stream of excitable blah blah blah blah blah coming from behind for a minute, until Mel gets distracted by a berry bush off to the far left and veers in that direction. ]
Hey, we can eat these if they're ripe. And I think we use the leaves for tea.
[ Not being able to get a word in edgewise is nice, actually. It's the first time she's seen Melissa so engaged and lively, and she finds it endearing. And it reminds her, again, that these are just kids, just starting to peek at adulthood, at the pain and promise of life. They're just kids. None of this is fair. They should've made it to nationals. They should've competed and maybe won. They should've gone home, graduated, gone to college. And Hannah should've come here with Edwin and Kodi, found the frogs, done all their science, and gone back home to publish their findings. Life shouldn't have brought any of them here to die, to starve.
But at least there's their love of sports, and at least there are berries. Hannah follows Mel and kneels next to the bush, plucking whole branches off to get more food with each handful. ]
Good eye. These smell so good. [ She resists the urge to have a few right now. It wouldn't be fair to the others. ]
I love ultimate. I miss playing. I keep trying to get labmates to play-- not even compete, just play for fun-- but I haven't had any luck. Edwin's not-- wasn't bad at it. I went easy on him. He liked to throw. He had a strong arm.
[ It's. It's actually kind of hard to pick berries one-handed, who could have guessed? Melissa lets Hannah focus on getting the branches off while she plucks as many berries as she can hold in her palm before dropping them into her bag and repeating the whole process over. Some of the berries end up slightly squashed in her grip, but squashed is better than nothing.
It's good they found the bush. Not only because it means more food back at camp but because it gives Melissa something to look at that isn't Hannah's face as she says, ] Edwin is the guy Lottie killed? Your... friend?
[ It wasn't like she'd been the one holding the axe, but she feels the same squirmy kind of guilt as if she had done it. In a way, it's on all of them. ]
[ Collecting berries might just hide the pain that flashes across Hannah's face. She nods, more for herself than in any hope that Melissa might see it in her peripheral vision. She needs a second. She's been actively not thinking about him, because if she does, she'll stop moving, stop contributing. There will be no reason not to kill her. ]
Yeah. My boyfriend, actually.
[ How many little branches has she snapped off by now? She should've been counting. Good data makes analysis easier. ]
It's like Melissa has been swimming in the lake and suddenly slipped into one of those cold pockets without warning. Her whole body feels it, and she watches numbly as her fingers go still on one of the branches. As usual, she doesn't know what to say, but she has to say something. After a moment she turns to look at Hannah. ]
Shit. I am... really sorry.
[ It occurs to her that Hannah should want to kill them. All of them. She has every right to. She came out here with her boyfriend to study frogs and walked into a fucking nightmare filled with a bunch of hateful little freaks masquerading as teenagers, and now she's on her own. ]
[ Hannah is decidedly not fine right now, but she can pull herself together. She's faced worse, she's lived through worse, right, she'll be fine if she can just keep her breathing steady through the sudden hot-and-cold sensation flowing through her limbs.
She has no idea what to say. It's harder than when she first told people she was pregnant, because at least that, while putting an end to one phase of her life, heralded a new beginning, and a new person to meet and love, and things could still proceed as they'd been planned for with some adjustments. There is no positive to this particular death, though. It wasn't strictly an accident, but it wasn't murder, not really. It was just-- it was just-- ]
Thank you. [ Another breath. She has to steady her voice. She has to be reliable. Melissa got shot with a crossbow that same night. It wasn't Melissa's fault.
But it wasn't Lottie's fault either. Lottie is unwell in a way that Hannah has no idea how to address. It's all just-- it's just so-- ]
I'm not angry. Lottie was just trying to protect you guys. Or something. Here, let me get that.
[ She reaches over to snap off the branch Melissa was just working on. The sharp, thin crack it makes plus Hannah out of her thoughts some, brings her back to the fact that they're foraging so they have more food in reserve as winter approaches. ]
[ Wordlessly, Melissa takes the broken branch and stuffs it into her bag. Not angry? She doesn't see how. Not that she thinks Hannah's lying, exactly. It's deeper than that. Like maybe Hannah really believes what she's saying, but maybe she hasn't let herself really stop and think about what happened for too long, either. Because if she did... ]
You should be angry. I'm angry. [ She gestures wildly at her immobile right arm, which could be permanently fucked up now for all she knows. But she does know that none of it would have happened if Lottie had just—ugh, stood back for a few seconds and let Natalie or Van talk. ]
Lottie's not protecting us. She loves it here. [ Melissa's voice is quieter now, and she glances off to the side as if she almost expects someone to have been following them, listening. Maybe that makes her just as paranoid as Shauna's getting, but... maybe it's not the craziest idea either. ] Shauna too. They ruined everything. We almost got to go home and they—ruined it for all of us.
[ Right, so, telling Melissa about Edwin was not Hannah's best idea, but she can't take it back now, so she sets aside regret for now and focuses on Melissa. Everything is so delicate here, and her own position is especially precarious, which makes everything feel like a huge risk.
But she doesn't know what else to do, and her heart aches for this scared, struggling kid, so Hannah reaches out and gently touches Melissa's right forearm. ]
They're scared. I'm scared too. I'm sad, and if there's anyone I'm angry at, it's myself. [ She should've listened to Edwin. If they'd gone south, they wouldn't have stumbled onto the Yellowjackets' camp. ]
We'll find a way home. The university will send someone to look for us, or at least for their equipment. [ It's expensive. It was so hard not to beg for it in the grant proposal, good lord. ] We just have to take it day by day. Okay?
[ Out here it's easy to forget how young they really are. They handle things; they don't cry, or if they do, they do it in secret, during the strange, stretched out hours between nightfall and sunrise. It's been so long since somebody older than her has reached out to offer comfort that Melissa feels herself wanting to lean into it, to revert to some younger state where the adult tells you it's going to be okay and you believe them just because. ]
Okay.
[ And maybe Hannah's even right. Maybe the university will send people, and those people will find them, and a few weeks from now these memories will be fading like a bad dream. But she's already thinking past that, to the long winter ahead of them and Shauna with that rifle at her side all the time. ]
[ Hannah nods, softly squeezes Melissa's arm, and nods again-- for herself, for both of them. The university should've sent someone by now, but will they find them? Or will they leave her little research team for dead even more quickly than the media abandoned the Yellowjackets?
They have to survive. No matter what, they need to make it through the winter. Then, when it's spring, Hannah will volunteer to set out and find help. She'll figure something out. She has to. She has to at least try to make good on her word. They'll get home, somehow. They have to. ]
I think I can help with your shoulder. You know, with some stretches? PT? A little bit, anyway. It won't be fun, but it'll be worth it to try.
[ Melissa wants to cry at the soft little squeeze of her arm. It's such a mom thing to do, all comfort and reassurance, not the kind of gesture anybody else in the wilderness would make. The corners of her mouth turn down and she blinks a few times, quick. But this is a really shitty time to start getting homesick. She knows Hannah wouldn't judge her for crying, she seems way too understanding to be weird about it, but the last thing Melissa wants to do is walk out of the woods with puffy eyes and have Shauna notice and assume it's because of her. She takes a deep breath. ]
Really? That would be awesome. This whole thing seriously blows. [ The sling. It's so freaking cumbersome. She can't even pull a shirt over her head by herself or do her own hair right now. The thought of her range of motion being permanently screwed up has Melissa anxious. Only one functioning arm and she'd be almost as bad off as Coach Scott. Not trapped-in-the-animal-pen bad, but definitely most-likely-to-get-eaten-next bad. That thought makes her squirm, and she blurts out, ] Can we do it soon? I'm worried it's going to, like—get stiff, like when you break a bone and the muscles get all weird from not using them? Have you ever broken an ankle or something?
[ Or maybe Hannah's daughter has. Kids break bones all the time! ]
[ The wounds have closed up. They can take it slow. And if Melissa wants or needs to cry when they're working on her shoulder, she can go right ahead. It's going to be really painful without painkillers. No one can call her weak for that. Let them get shot by a crossbow and start doing PT for it.
Hannah starts back on getting branches off the berry bush. What a nice find. That should help group morale a little. ]
The cold might numb the pain a little. But right now, just moving around is good for it. You're young, your body can repair itself really well.
[ That, at least, is something Hannah can feel optimistic about. They've eaten better in the summer than they must have last winter. All that protein will come in handy. ]
[ Misty took the Red Cross babysitting course (twice) or whatever, but she's no doctor and Melissa gets creeped out remembering how little hesitation she had when she chopped off Coach's leg right after the crash. Not that Hannah is a doctor either, but it's nice to at least feel like there's someone around who more or less knows what they're doing and isn't going to pull any weird shit. With a relieved, self-conscious little smile, Melissa goes back to picking berries. ]
So, like... what made you decide to be a scientist? I swear to god I almost puked when we dissected frogs in biology last year.
[ Even if she hadn't decided not to bring up Edwin again, Hannah would still keep her own terrible lab experience to herself. He played too big a part in it. The memory belongs to her, to soothe the despair that pervades life here. Besides that, this is a topic she likes. ]
I guess I just can't stop asking questions. I wonder about the way our bodies developed to make these precise sounds so we can communicate, how adaptable we are because we can make and use tools, how we use fire. I look around and see how everything... in all the chaos of nature, in the violence of it, there's beauty.
Like this bush. It doesn't have consciousness, right, but it evolved to keep its species alive. It adapted to the light, the climate, the soil, the wildlife. Will it outlive us? We've been around for so little time on the scale of the known universe. And look, we can use so much of it, it's not poisonous. It's going to help us survive.
[ Oh no she went full nerd. Hannah laughs and glances at Melissa, embarrassed. ]
Sorry. I kind of love, you know, all of it. I wish I could live three times as long, just so I could keep learning.
[ The way Hannah explains it, it makes sense. Melissa gets it, especially out here. Once they started building up the campsite, it had been kind of fascinating seeing all the ways they could use the environment to help them instead. Animal furs for the winter, the huts, they can even make wine now. Pretty incredible. ]
Did you ever think about being a teacher? You'd be good at it.
[ You know what, that's fair. And teenagers kind of suck, so she can't exactly argue with not wanting to spend every day trying to hold their attention when the alternative is catching frogs or hanging out in a lab.
Melissa laughs a little and shakes her head. ] I don't know, maybe business? Something boring and normal. All I know is my plan was to get far away from New Jersey, but um. Kind of already did that, so.
It's just an option. [ Hey, we can't all be scientists, okay. The world needs people doing boring things all day too. ]
So if your daughter disappeared for like two years, came home, and then turned around and chose to go to college out of state, you wouldn't be pissed? [ Melissa's half calling bullshit, half actually asking. She just can't imagine anybody being cool with that. ] I mean, I know they can't stop me if I'm eighteen, but it seems... fucked up.
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[ If Hannah had told Shauna the truth about who'd given her the knife, it's very likely that neither Hannah or Natalie would still be alive right now. And for all Melissa knows, the rest of them would be tied up in the animal pen instead. ]
But there's no way anyone is going to hike out of here without a guide. [ Melissa tugs at the hem of her shirt, rubbing the fabric between her thumb and index finger as she speaks, an anxious habit. ] The first summer we were out here? A smaller group of us tried to go for rescue and Van almost died. Then our right fullback tried to go on her own and she did die.
[ After that, there was no more talk of separating. Things had become all-or-nothing, and the idea of the team, of the whole, had cemented into something much stronger than soccer or high school.
Hannah has seen it herself: the way Shauna, Tai, and Lottie had been totally outnumbered and the way the others had fallen back in line anyway, even while they hated doing it. The escape plan, with the guide, had been the only exception because it had been a sure thing. Now that's over. ]
Even if they, like, changed their minds and wanted to go, at this point it's safer for us here. [ "For now" sits on her tongue, unspoken. ]
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Right. No, I wouldn't leave either, not without a guide. [ If only she remembered the hike out here. If only she'd listened to Edwin. If only he were here to talk her through the waves of panic and despair.
If only, if only. ] Besides, we're not the only people who could be out here. I mean, if Edwin and I made this trek, other people might.
[ There's always hope. There has to be hope. ]
In the meantime, I'm with you guys. I'll keep doing my part to keep us fed and safe.
[ Even though it could mean the worst. Hannah winces at a sudden thought-- ]
Even if it means we find some of those cute little frogs and have to roast them for dinner.
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I mean, our food situation is way better than it was this time last year, so hopefully it won't come down to eating frogs. [ She doesn't seem to register that this might be a fucked up thing to say considering the circumstances Hannah's group walked in on. She's mostly just thinking about the animals, the goats and ducks. Plus, Gen keeps saying how great the hunting's been all summer.
After a pause, a little shyly, she adds, ] It's good that you're here. [ wait ] I mean—not like good, it's just cool having a new person to talk to.
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More important right now, though, is the fact that she has earned Melissa's trust. Maybe not fully, but enough that Melissa feels like she can share tidbits about the year before, the team's dynamics, and even something as simple as being told she's nice to have around. Hannah wonders about Melissa herself: what's her family like, do they know she's gay, do they support her? She's a good kid. She deserves a good home life. They all do.
She smiles back, comfortable and encouraging. ]
I bet I'd be better if I could find more food. [ There are some mushrooms just to her right. She bends to grab them. ] That means a lot. It sounds pretty dumb, but it's nice to know at least one person likes you enough to just talk.
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It's not just me. I think everyone's just, you know, trying to figure you out. Most of the people here are nice, though. [ Melissa's mouth twists into a frown that's more sad than angry. ] Even Shauna used to be nice. She still is sometimes.
[ Melissa knows that if she hadn't dragged their argument out into the open, it wouldn't have ended like that. She'd still be trailing around like Shauna's (fucking stupid) shadow. And if Shauna showed up today and said she was sorry and she didn't mean it and told Melissa to stop being such a bitch, well...
Jesus, how pathetic. ]
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[ And Hannah means that. Trauma can do so much to a kid, even if everything else in their life is good. She would know. There's nothing quite like staring life and death in the face, feeling it in the flesh, to change a person.
She takes a few steps past Melissa, eyes on the ground, still hoping for more than mushrooms. ]
I did sports in high school too. Started our ultimate frisbee team. We were really good.
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[ Melissa grins as she follows along, suddenly cheered by the change in topic. Sports are always an easy sell for her. ]
Did you guys have a cool name? You must have really good aim. I've never played ultimate but it looks so fun. And no refs? That's so different from soccer. If you started the team, you must have really liked playing, right? I feel like half the girls here don't even like soccer that much. [ It's a constant stream of excitable blah blah blah blah blah coming from behind for a minute, until Mel gets distracted by a berry bush off to the far left and veers in that direction. ]
Hey, we can eat these if they're ripe. And I think we use the leaves for tea.
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But at least there's their love of sports, and at least there are berries. Hannah follows Mel and kneels next to the bush, plucking whole branches off to get more food with each handful. ]
Good eye. These smell so good. [ She resists the urge to have a few right now. It wouldn't be fair to the others. ]
I love ultimate. I miss playing. I keep trying to get labmates to play-- not even compete, just play for fun-- but I haven't had any luck. Edwin's not-- wasn't bad at it. I went easy on him. He liked to throw. He had a strong arm.
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It's good they found the bush. Not only because it means more food back at camp but because it gives Melissa something to look at that isn't Hannah's face as she says, ] Edwin is the guy Lottie killed? Your... friend?
[ It wasn't like she'd been the one holding the axe, but she feels the same squirmy kind of guilt as if she had done it. In a way, it's on all of them. ]
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Yeah. My boyfriend, actually.
[ How many little branches has she snapped off by now? She should've been counting. Good data makes analysis easier. ]
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It's like Melissa has been swimming in the lake and suddenly slipped into one of those cold pockets without warning. Her whole body feels it, and she watches numbly as her fingers go still on one of the branches. As usual, she doesn't know what to say, but she has to say something. After a moment she turns to look at Hannah. ]
Shit. I am... really sorry.
[ It occurs to her that Hannah should want to kill them. All of them. She has every right to. She came out here with her boyfriend to study frogs and walked into a fucking nightmare filled with a bunch of hateful little freaks masquerading as teenagers, and now she's on her own. ]
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She has no idea what to say. It's harder than when she first told people she was pregnant, because at least that, while putting an end to one phase of her life, heralded a new beginning, and a new person to meet and love, and things could still proceed as they'd been planned for with some adjustments. There is no positive to this particular death, though. It wasn't strictly an accident, but it wasn't murder, not really. It was just-- it was just-- ]
Thank you. [ Another breath. She has to steady her voice. She has to be reliable. Melissa got shot with a crossbow that same night. It wasn't Melissa's fault.
But it wasn't Lottie's fault either. Lottie is unwell in a way that Hannah has no idea how to address. It's all just-- it's just so-- ]
I'm not angry. Lottie was just trying to protect you guys. Or something. Here, let me get that.
[ She reaches over to snap off the branch Melissa was just working on. The sharp, thin crack it makes plus Hannah out of her thoughts some, brings her back to the fact that they're foraging so they have more food in reserve as winter approaches. ]
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You should be angry. I'm angry. [ She gestures wildly at her immobile right arm, which could be permanently fucked up now for all she knows. But she does know that none of it would have happened if Lottie had just—ugh, stood back for a few seconds and let Natalie or Van talk. ]
Lottie's not protecting us. She loves it here. [ Melissa's voice is quieter now, and she glances off to the side as if she almost expects someone to have been following them, listening. Maybe that makes her just as paranoid as Shauna's getting, but... maybe it's not the craziest idea either. ] Shauna too. They ruined everything. We almost got to go home and they—ruined it for all of us.
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But she doesn't know what else to do, and her heart aches for this scared, struggling kid, so Hannah reaches out and gently touches Melissa's right forearm. ]
They're scared. I'm scared too. I'm sad, and if there's anyone I'm angry at, it's myself. [ She should've listened to Edwin. If they'd gone south, they wouldn't have stumbled onto the Yellowjackets' camp. ]
We'll find a way home. The university will send someone to look for us, or at least for their equipment. [ It's expensive. It was so hard not to beg for it in the grant proposal, good lord. ] We just have to take it day by day. Okay?
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Okay.
[ And maybe Hannah's even right. Maybe the university will send people, and those people will find them, and a few weeks from now these memories will be fading like a bad dream. But she's already thinking past that, to the long winter ahead of them and Shauna with that rifle at her side all the time. ]
Yeah. We'll do what we have to do.
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[ Hannah nods, softly squeezes Melissa's arm, and nods again-- for herself, for both of them. The university should've sent someone by now, but will they find them? Or will they leave her little research team for dead even more quickly than the media abandoned the Yellowjackets?
They have to survive. No matter what, they need to make it through the winter. Then, when it's spring, Hannah will volunteer to set out and find help. She'll figure something out. She has to. She has to at least try to make good on her word. They'll get home, somehow. They have to. ]
I think I can help with your shoulder. You know, with some stretches? PT? A little bit, anyway. It won't be fun, but it'll be worth it to try.
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Really? That would be awesome. This whole thing seriously blows. [ The sling. It's so freaking cumbersome. She can't even pull a shirt over her head by herself or do her own hair right now. The thought of her range of motion being permanently screwed up has Melissa anxious. Only one functioning arm and she'd be almost as bad off as Coach Scott. Not trapped-in-the-animal-pen bad, but definitely most-likely-to-get-eaten-next bad. That thought makes her squirm, and she blurts out, ] Can we do it soon? I'm worried it's going to, like—get stiff, like when you break a bone and the muscles get all weird from not using them? Have you ever broken an ankle or something?
[ Or maybe Hannah's daughter has. Kids break bones all the time! ]
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[ The wounds have closed up. They can take it slow. And if Melissa wants or needs to cry when they're working on her shoulder, she can go right ahead. It's going to be really painful without painkillers. No one can call her weak for that. Let them get shot by a crossbow and start doing PT for it.
Hannah starts back on getting branches off the berry bush. What a nice find. That should help group morale a little. ]
The cold might numb the pain a little. But right now, just moving around is good for it. You're young, your body can repair itself really well.
[ That, at least, is something Hannah can feel optimistic about. They've eaten better in the summer than they must have last winter. All that protein will come in handy. ]
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[ Misty took the Red Cross babysitting course (twice) or whatever, but she's no doctor and Melissa gets creeped out remembering how little hesitation she had when she chopped off Coach's leg right after the crash. Not that Hannah is a doctor either, but it's nice to at least feel like there's someone around who more or less knows what they're doing and isn't going to pull any weird shit. With a relieved, self-conscious little smile, Melissa goes back to picking berries. ]
So, like... what made you decide to be a scientist? I swear to god I almost puked when we dissected frogs in biology last year.
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I guess I just can't stop asking questions. I wonder about the way our bodies developed to make these precise sounds so we can communicate, how adaptable we are because we can make and use tools, how we use fire. I look around and see how everything... in all the chaos of nature, in the violence of it, there's beauty.
Like this bush. It doesn't have consciousness, right, but it evolved to keep its species alive. It adapted to the light, the climate, the soil, the wildlife. Will it outlive us? We've been around for so little time on the scale of the known universe. And look, we can use so much of it, it's not poisonous. It's going to help us survive.
[ Oh no she went full nerd. Hannah laughs and glances at Melissa, embarrassed. ]
Sorry. I kind of love, you know, all of it. I wish I could live three times as long, just so I could keep learning.
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[ The way Hannah explains it, it makes sense. Melissa gets it, especially out here. Once they started building up the campsite, it had been kind of fascinating seeing all the ways they could use the environment to help them instead. Animal furs for the winter, the huts, they can even make wine now. Pretty incredible. ]
Did you ever think about being a teacher? You'd be good at it.
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[ If a teenager says that, then it must be a little bit true, because it's way too easy to bore a teenager. ]
Maybe someday. I want to do more of... [ she gestures at the surrounding woods. ] Field work. Hands-on research.
[ Minus the whole actual hard core survival thing. ]
Hey, what about you? What do you want to go to college for?
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Melissa laughs a little and shakes her head. ] I don't know, maybe business? Something boring and normal. All I know is my plan was to get far away from New Jersey, but um. Kind of already did that, so.
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[ It's... really easy to fall into mom mode, including the vocabulary, oops. ]
I can't think of anything more boring than business school, so it sounds like you're set for life.
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So if your daughter disappeared for like two years, came home, and then turned around and chose to go to college out of state, you wouldn't be pissed? [ Melissa's half calling bullshit, half actually asking. She just can't imagine anybody being cool with that. ] I mean, I know they can't stop me if I'm eighteen, but it seems... fucked up.
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🎀?